I can’t believe we’re already mid-February! The last 6 weeks have flown by and here we are with Valentine’s Day in 2 days. I won’t post what I’ve bought for my OH as he reads this and it’ll give the game away but we’re exchanging gifts tonight as we’re off to the rugby tomorrow 🙂
When I made the decision to change aspects of my lifestyle I did not expect to be sitting here 6 weeks later and 5kg lighter! It’s given me a real boost to get back on track and start posting more regularly (I’ve even drawn up a posting schedule and timeline which may turn into a proper project dashboard haha!)
The last 6 weeks have been filled with ups and downs in different areas of my life. I ate more sugar last week than I have done in the last 3 months combined. I was disappointed in myself but this week I’ve been much more controlled and feel a lot better for it. It’s not worth berating yourself over one sloppy week when you can cheer for 5 good ones plus the ones to come.
There were some problems at work which needed addressing. I don’t like standing up to authority and so I had to dig deep and find some courage to confront the issues. When I need to challenge someone or manage some sort of conflict I’ve always used the DESC method.
DESC is used to resolve conflicts but also to help make situations clearer.
The first step is to Describe what happened. It is really important to stick to the facts and go through the situation in the order things happened. It can sound a bit like “You said, I said” but this is needed to set the scene.
The second step is to Explain how the situation made you feel. Use concrete examples from the facts you have already explained and only speak from your perspective. Avoid speaking about the other person’s emotions – you are not in their head and would only be guessing.
Next you need to Share what you would like to see happen in this situation the next time it happens. Come up with a positive action plan that will either avoid this happening again or enable you to handle it in a more positive way.
Lastly, you need to Compromise on what you will do differently next time. None of us are perfect and there is always room for a little improvement. Offer something that you commit to doing in the future.
This really helps me to breakdown the problem into small facts and explain them in a calm, clear manner. I have used this technique since university and it hasn’t failed me yet. Explaining how things have made me feel is not easy to articulate and I have to find my bravery to get through it but I know that I will feel so much lighter and less stressed when my feelings are out in the open. It is important to hold on to past successes but also to visualise future ones.
It can be really helpful to role-play the conversation in your head to explore different trains of thought and possible points the other person could raise. I find that if I have already projected myself into the situation in my mind and played through it that when it comes to the real moment I am much calmer and able to clearly express what I need to say. It can take a bit of practice before you get it right but it’s worth having a go.
The result of my recent DESC conversation was that I was confirmed in my job on a permanent contract so it really can be worthwhile to go through this method.
Keep Climbing and look up high to see over the problem to the other side.